i have been having a monthly affair with three unwanted guests. for the past three months, they have been visiting me during the last week of the month.
the first guest is Fever. he must be a very lonely man, because each time he calls, he would destroy my plans and force me to stay at home with him. he does not mind if i spend most of the time sleeping, but i think he does enjoy cuddling under the blanket very much. it warms him, and makes him even stronger.
the second guest is Headache. headache is a very mischievous boy. he likes to tap tap tap on my forehead, tap on my occipital lobe, tap on my joints - then go into hiding. and precisely because he is very agile (unlike me), he has the upperhand in this hide-and-seek game. i know he's trying to get my attention, but he does not know that doing that would hinder me from concentrating.
the third and last guest is Influenza, or flu for short. she is the most scheming of all. she would drop the smallest hint about her arrival, that the unsuspecting me would just dismiss as insignificant. sometimes, she even makes use of the weather to deceive me, misleading me into blaming the erratic weather as the culprit. so when she finally arrives at my door step, she is like a storm that sweeps me away.
now, all the three guests are in my living room. they are all trying to prevent me from exposing their heinous deeds. i think they succeeded.
but next month, next month, i will return with a vengeance, i will arm myself with apples and pills. and they would not even stand a chance.
28.8.09
24.8.09
could you whisper in my ear, the things you wanna feel
have you ever wonder how a blind person may feel if he were to suddenly regain his sight after a miracle operation?
as you may know, my right ear has been giving me problems for a long time. so after putting it off for many years, i finally broke the inertia and plucked up the courage to do an audiogram. i was found to have mild to moderate hearing loss, and mortified by it (especially after the GP repeatedly reprimanded me), i got myself an appointment with an ENT specialist.
at the clinic, the registrar made me go through what they called a "ear toilet". i only found out the name after looking at the receipt. they might have named it as such due to the flushing out of the ear wax. but to be honest, the cleaning process was very unpleasant, if not painful in many ways. if i were to describe it in one sentence, it felt like a needle tickling the insides of my ears. it was a very delicate procedure, and i was forced to keep my head still in the midst of the discomfort.
so when it was over, i dug my hands into my bag to take out a piece of tissue.
then i heard an unfamiliar sound - something was crackling inside my bag. am i hallucinating? i thought to myself. i reached in to touch the packet of tissue paper again. the crackling came back. so i grabbed the whole packet and crumpled it in my hands. the packet exploded like a fire cracker! i was frightened.
concluding the success of the operation, the doctor congratulated me and sent me away.
feeling very disoriented, i staggered out of the doctor's office. what seemed like a quiet peaceful waiting lobby morphed into a war zone. people were no longer just opening their mouths and moving their lips, they were talking in complete coherent sentences. the television was playing music, the receptionists were tapping furiously on the keyboard, the nurses were reading out names, telephones were ringing at the counter, and doors were opened and shut as people moved in and out.
all of a sudden, my surroundings came to life. but everything around me was too loud. i could not desensitize myself from the racket. i could not wash out the noises. i could not stop them from rushing into my ears.
after i made my payment, i hurried away from the hospital. as i wandered to the bus stop like a curious child, i could hear the pattering of the rain, the roaring of the thunder, the whistling of the strong winds, the rustling of the leaves, the screeching of the wheels as the cars come to a halt, the shuffling of passer-bys.
the success of the flushing was stunning, and the clarity of my hearing was amazing. i could not wait to pop in my earphones and listen to my favourite songs. i could not wait to hear my own voice. i could not wait to sing, to speak, to laugh, to enunciate, to rub my palms together, to snap my fingers, to stamp my feet; and most of all, i could not wait to share this discovery with everyone.
it was not just an awakening. it was a rebirth - as if the doctor injected a new life into me. so i'm telling you, you don't have to shout when you talk to me anymore.
you can whisper in my ear,
and i will hear you loud and clear.
as you may know, my right ear has been giving me problems for a long time. so after putting it off for many years, i finally broke the inertia and plucked up the courage to do an audiogram. i was found to have mild to moderate hearing loss, and mortified by it (especially after the GP repeatedly reprimanded me), i got myself an appointment with an ENT specialist.
at the clinic, the registrar made me go through what they called a "ear toilet". i only found out the name after looking at the receipt. they might have named it as such due to the flushing out of the ear wax. but to be honest, the cleaning process was very unpleasant, if not painful in many ways. if i were to describe it in one sentence, it felt like a needle tickling the insides of my ears. it was a very delicate procedure, and i was forced to keep my head still in the midst of the discomfort.
so when it was over, i dug my hands into my bag to take out a piece of tissue.
then i heard an unfamiliar sound - something was crackling inside my bag. am i hallucinating? i thought to myself. i reached in to touch the packet of tissue paper again. the crackling came back. so i grabbed the whole packet and crumpled it in my hands. the packet exploded like a fire cracker! i was frightened.
concluding the success of the operation, the doctor congratulated me and sent me away.
feeling very disoriented, i staggered out of the doctor's office. what seemed like a quiet peaceful waiting lobby morphed into a war zone. people were no longer just opening their mouths and moving their lips, they were talking in complete coherent sentences. the television was playing music, the receptionists were tapping furiously on the keyboard, the nurses were reading out names, telephones were ringing at the counter, and doors were opened and shut as people moved in and out.
all of a sudden, my surroundings came to life. but everything around me was too loud. i could not desensitize myself from the racket. i could not wash out the noises. i could not stop them from rushing into my ears.
after i made my payment, i hurried away from the hospital. as i wandered to the bus stop like a curious child, i could hear the pattering of the rain, the roaring of the thunder, the whistling of the strong winds, the rustling of the leaves, the screeching of the wheels as the cars come to a halt, the shuffling of passer-bys.
the success of the flushing was stunning, and the clarity of my hearing was amazing. i could not wait to pop in my earphones and listen to my favourite songs. i could not wait to hear my own voice. i could not wait to sing, to speak, to laugh, to enunciate, to rub my palms together, to snap my fingers, to stamp my feet; and most of all, i could not wait to share this discovery with everyone.
it was not just an awakening. it was a rebirth - as if the doctor injected a new life into me. so i'm telling you, you don't have to shout when you talk to me anymore.
you can whisper in my ear,
and i will hear you loud and clear.
23.8.09
of secrets and shame
"After Hanna left the city, it took a while before I stopped watching for her everywhere, before I got used to the fact that afternoons had lost their shape, and before I could look at books and open them without asking myself whether they were suitable for reading aloud. It took a while before my body stopped yearning for hers... The feeling of guilt that had tortured me in the first weeks gradually faded, and six months later,my family moved to another part of town. It wasn't that I forgot Hanna. But at a certain point the memory of her stopped accompanying me wherever I went. She stayed behind the way a city stays behind as a train pulls out of a station."
-- The reader by Bernhard Schlink
The reader is a compelling read that arrests your heart with the burst of passion at the opening, and ensnares your mind as the mystery slowly unravels. throughout the book, decisions were questioned, values were re-evaluated, and memories were reconstructed - although you may not find absolute answers to what was right and what was wrong. the protagonist's love for a criminal mirrors the love for a country which has collectively sinned, just as how his inaction to recapture his love and save her from self-destruction mirrors the inaction of the guards at the camp to save the prisoners. and even after the truth comes to light, we as spectacles to the unfolding of events, are not spared from the torment and the haunting memoirs of the characters.
it is not a pleasurable read for me, but it is definitely one of the most memorable ones this year. and despite Kate Winslet's commendable performance, i am far too afraid to watch the screened version now, for fear that the story would be further etched in my mind.
11.8.09
school begins again! (but not for me) ):
i imagine the excitement of freshies congregating in clubroom, gossiping about rag, joking with seniors and reminiscing the orientation week that has just passed. some of them would spot the election posters, and contemplate whether to run for mc. some of them eager for the next year to arrive, so that they can be part of the arts camp again. some of them discussing about the upcoming bashes, the beauty pageants and their contestants. boys fresh out of NS trying to hit on girl; girls straight out of JC, vying for the most popular spot. the scent of summer, the joy of friendship, the exhilaration of a new beginning, the sweet taste of youth.
i imagine the year twos and threes gathering at the canteen to catch up with peers whom they have not seen for three months. some of them would be sulking over the end of the holidays, others would be anticipating the start of the new semester. when it comes to choosing their lunch location, some would prefer the cooler atmosphere at the second floor, where the lounge overlooks the port in the west - the hustle bustle of the lounge juxtaposed against the quiet ships in the calm sea. most others would rather position themselves on the first floor where the best stalls are situated, seats are abundant, and the food is cheap. of cos, i imagine long queues of people waiting at the most-value-for-money yong tau hu stall for the delectable laska soup. the heat of the afternoon, the buzzing of the fans, the burning of the tongue, the warmth of being back to a familiar place.
finally, i imagine a group of honours students, lamenting over the departure of many counterparts and the lack of familiar faces. they are the ones who actively search for the remnants of their cohort, expressing excitement and relief whenever they spot somebody who is left behind like them. but there will be this especially dynamic honours class, who can be spotted with a particular dress code, laughing about their summer semester and KL adventures. and there will be a few ambitious ones, who dream of bonding the class, of contributing back to the society, and of raising the profile of their future profession. secretly, they could be planning a production, a event or something exciting that would make the class stand out against other graduating classes. they are at the prime of their youth, the peak of their passion, the height of their vigor, and the top of the world.
i imagine myself packing my books and going back to school, but i know that i have embarked on the road of no return. so let me recollect the good times, let me remember all the wonderful people i've met from my freshie days to my honours year, and let me reminisce my youth and exuberance once upon a summer dream.
i imagine the year twos and threes gathering at the canteen to catch up with peers whom they have not seen for three months. some of them would be sulking over the end of the holidays, others would be anticipating the start of the new semester. when it comes to choosing their lunch location, some would prefer the cooler atmosphere at the second floor, where the lounge overlooks the port in the west - the hustle bustle of the lounge juxtaposed against the quiet ships in the calm sea. most others would rather position themselves on the first floor where the best stalls are situated, seats are abundant, and the food is cheap. of cos, i imagine long queues of people waiting at the most-value-for-money yong tau hu stall for the delectable laska soup. the heat of the afternoon, the buzzing of the fans, the burning of the tongue, the warmth of being back to a familiar place.
finally, i imagine a group of honours students, lamenting over the departure of many counterparts and the lack of familiar faces. they are the ones who actively search for the remnants of their cohort, expressing excitement and relief whenever they spot somebody who is left behind like them. but there will be this especially dynamic honours class, who can be spotted with a particular dress code, laughing about their summer semester and KL adventures. and there will be a few ambitious ones, who dream of bonding the class, of contributing back to the society, and of raising the profile of their future profession. secretly, they could be planning a production, a event or something exciting that would make the class stand out against other graduating classes. they are at the prime of their youth, the peak of their passion, the height of their vigor, and the top of the world.
i imagine myself packing my books and going back to school, but i know that i have embarked on the road of no return. so let me recollect the good times, let me remember all the wonderful people i've met from my freshie days to my honours year, and let me reminisce my youth and exuberance once upon a summer dream.
5.8.09
be careful what you wish for..
as some of you may know, a couple of weeks back, my facebook status read:
pretty good you might say! but unfortunately, this week was supposed to be an exciting week for me, loaded with opportunities to work with clients. moreover, i would have felt more deserving if i had slogged my way to the long weekend.
but here i am, stuck at home, too drowsy from the medication to do anything constructive. so i float between my bed and my computer, spiritless and pale like a ghost.
"why can't we work two days and rest five days?"instead of the reverse. and this week, i really got my wish. thanks to my viral infection, my weekend has been stretched until today, making it five days since i last went to work. i will be back in the office tomorrow, but i would only need to work for two days before the national day weekend ushers in.
pretty good you might say! but unfortunately, this week was supposed to be an exciting week for me, loaded with opportunities to work with clients. moreover, i would have felt more deserving if i had slogged my way to the long weekend.
but here i am, stuck at home, too drowsy from the medication to do anything constructive. so i float between my bed and my computer, spiritless and pale like a ghost.
3.8.09
no, you didn't step into the wrong room
i merely discarded the television and changed my layout.
and instead of doing my own, i conveniently picked one of blogger's template, because i decided that they are more reader-friendly than my small television screen.
so grab some chips, sit back and get comfortable with the new space.
and instead of doing my own, i conveniently picked one of blogger's template, because i decided that they are more reader-friendly than my small television screen.
so grab some chips, sit back and get comfortable with the new space.
39 degrees on a sunday
and no, i am not talking about the weather.
i was down with high fever yesterday, and it turned out to be such an unforgettably horrible experience.
firstly, there is hardly any clinic which operates on a sunday. hence, the only few which were open were overcrowded and the wait was even longer than your ordinary polyclinic queues. for myself, i had to suffer a one and a half hours of excruciating wait before i finally saw the foctor.
secondly, for the clinic that i went to, they requested for those with flu-like symptoms to be isolated from the rest. well, technically there is nothing wrong with it because their intention is to protect the health of the other patients. but the unpleasant part was that the seats at the isolation area were small stools with no back rest - the plastic ones which you may find at a wake, or a coffeeshop. this is a sharp contrast to the seats at the main waiting area, where there are proper chairs and even a simple sofa. for people who had backaches (like myself, due to the viral infection), sitting on the stool was plain torture.
furthermore, it was not only the seats that i loathe, the location of the seats was unacceptable because I was made to sit along a deserted corridor at the back of the clinic. there was absolutely no human traffic, no cctv, no staff to check if i was doing fine. so i was pretty sure that if i had fainted, nobody would have notice at all.
finally, because of my fever, i was made to wear a surgical mask, which rendered my breathing difficult. most healthy individuals are already uncomfortable with wearing a mask, what's more for somebody who has sinus and a blocked nose?
hence, i think i can be excused/forgiven for shouting at the poor locum doctor when i finally got to see him. my incessant tearing became a loud sob as i started ranting at the clueless doctor. i don't even think I was coherent at all! on hindsight, i really wasn't in the right frame of mind.
to sum it up, you can say that being down with a high fever on a sunday is a nightmare. after the long wait, i got myself a jab, five packets of various medicine, and three days of medical leave. i pray none of you would ever fall sick on a sunday, when most of the general practitioners are at rest.
i was down with high fever yesterday, and it turned out to be such an unforgettably horrible experience.
firstly, there is hardly any clinic which operates on a sunday. hence, the only few which were open were overcrowded and the wait was even longer than your ordinary polyclinic queues. for myself, i had to suffer a one and a half hours of excruciating wait before i finally saw the foctor.
secondly, for the clinic that i went to, they requested for those with flu-like symptoms to be isolated from the rest. well, technically there is nothing wrong with it because their intention is to protect the health of the other patients. but the unpleasant part was that the seats at the isolation area were small stools with no back rest - the plastic ones which you may find at a wake, or a coffeeshop. this is a sharp contrast to the seats at the main waiting area, where there are proper chairs and even a simple sofa. for people who had backaches (like myself, due to the viral infection), sitting on the stool was plain torture.
furthermore, it was not only the seats that i loathe, the location of the seats was unacceptable because I was made to sit along a deserted corridor at the back of the clinic. there was absolutely no human traffic, no cctv, no staff to check if i was doing fine. so i was pretty sure that if i had fainted, nobody would have notice at all.
finally, because of my fever, i was made to wear a surgical mask, which rendered my breathing difficult. most healthy individuals are already uncomfortable with wearing a mask, what's more for somebody who has sinus and a blocked nose?
hence, i think i can be excused/forgiven for shouting at the poor locum doctor when i finally got to see him. my incessant tearing became a loud sob as i started ranting at the clueless doctor. i don't even think I was coherent at all! on hindsight, i really wasn't in the right frame of mind.
to sum it up, you can say that being down with a high fever on a sunday is a nightmare. after the long wait, i got myself a jab, five packets of various medicine, and three days of medical leave. i pray none of you would ever fall sick on a sunday, when most of the general practitioners are at rest.
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