its amazing how within such a short nap, i had a seemingly long dream that seemed to have compressed some of my desires, anxieties and fears into one.
in my dream, i woke up (ironically) to a late cloudy afternoon wanting to get ready for my classes, only to realise that i got the timing wrong and had already missed it. i first reacted by feeling a heavy sense of guilt that my friend had probably gone to the class alone, then i checked my phone, and felt very puzzled that the friend didnt make any attempt to contact me at all. so i thought, perhaps my friend preferred to do without my company, and i got out of bed. then all of a sudden, i had an overpowering urge to run away, and on impulse, i got changed in the darkness of my room, (and took forever to get changed cos i just couldnt decide) grabbed my essentials, and hit the road.
fast forward and i found myself along a highway. i got acquainted with a girl of my age, who had just ran away on her wedding day, together with her mother who assisted her in her ploy. they offered me a seat on their car, their wardrobe, and their company, but i ungratefully refused. i thought i couldnt trust these two strangers whom i have just met, i thought it would not make any difference to me, or to them, and i thought that i would rather be alone. i chose to be stupid, i chose the opinion which i would regret more, and i chose to retreat. so once again, i began to set off on my own, and there was where it all ended.
i cannot think in colours.
it is no wonder even my dreams are in shades of grey.
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