i've waited here for you, everlong.

each time it happens, i have been finding it harder to face.

i don't know if i'm afraid of not knowing what to say, or not knowing what to feel. the pain is real and it rings in your ears 24/7. you can desensitise yourself from it, but you cannot run away from it. i know it because i experienced it, like a slide down the tunnel, a dip into the well. when i was prepared, it didn't happen; and when i wasn't, it did. then there was a sudden jab at the heart, the disbelief, the denial and the burial of an unpleasant past. all there is left now, is the evidence of a bruise from the yesteryears. you could press hard on it, but the only thing that would hurt is your thumb.

i have been ruminating for days, and clearing the excess baggage from a while back. maybe the coffee has turned cold. maybe i have changed after all.