最远的地方是永远

i once read that when a child loses his parent, he loses his past. when a parent loses his child, he loses his future.

today, i witnessed the loss of somebody's past and somebody's future.

i think i can understand the pain. i have been through the grief. but for everyone, the experience is different. if you have not been through any of these, just imagine your loved one going to a very far away place. you will never be able to hear her voice, see her face, or feel her touch. it's not the distance that scares you. it's the "never" that terrifies you and steal your sleep.

how can we ever live through this? when my dad left so suddenly, i did not cry because i wanted to. i cried because i couldn't stop myself. i knew the grief and the guilt would come to an end, but i did not know when. i waited and waited. and waited. until i got tired, and i knew that i had exams waiting ahead. there was still a future ahead, a future which was worth fighting for.

but that is just my own story. i cannot imagine how a parent will feel. i cannot even imagine the depth of their pain or the breadth of their guilt over their lost child. i cannot imagine what a social worker can do or say when something like this hits our clients. i cannot imagine because the parents are right - i have not been there and i cannot tell them how to deal with it.

but as for those i can console, i want to assure them that the pain will come to pass - or at least the intensity of it. it may take weeks, months or even years. it may take you many sleepless nights, or endless hours. it may take you one good getaway, or many soul-searching trips. it may take you one litre of tears, or one journal of scribblings. it may take one God to heal you, or many hands to support you. but the worst will be over, and you will be stronger.

my dear, you will be stronger and life must go on.