ever since i set my mind on my new year resolution, it has been a battle between the mind and the temptations, the body and the aches, the present urges and the future remunerations.
while the task of increasing my output has been easy and enjoyable, the task of decreasing my intake has been challenging and cumbersome. it means giving up a lot of my favourite things - from sugar-laden snacks such as bubble tea, cakes, chocolate chip cookies, ben & jerry's ice cream to unhealthy savory dishes such as chinese rojak, laksa yong tau hu, nasi lemak, and chicken rice. on good days, the nauseating sense of aversion towards these sinful stuff comes naturally. but on bad days, i have to struggle with the lure of my previously frequented food stalls and the ill intentions of people who try to foil my plans (yes, you can call it a cognitive distortion on my part!)
hardly anyone supports me in my serious pursuit for a healthy lifestyle and a healthy BMI (possibly another cognitive distortion!). i see their encouragement as pretentious, their praise as half-hearted and their comments as mockery (definitely a cognitive distortion!). they call me at best obsessed, at worst extremist. but just like everyone else (and you included), i have been so taken in by the media's definition of beauty. i cannot allow myself to go back to where i was before. and since i cannot make myself any taller, i can only make myself smaller.
in order to ensure some success, i must go into hiding. and i must do it quietly, and best alone.
