Life, at twenty four

But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."

-- Matthew 8:22

I chose 25, because that is when men’s plans for me shall end. But You choose 25 because that is when Your plans for me shall take over.

That is why You told me at 24, “Not yet, my child, listen to Me. You may think that I have forsaken you, but I have not. I have heard your cries, I have witnessed your sufferings, I am aware of the pains in your heart."

But I questioned, "How is it possible? I did not see You, or hear You, or feel You? Where were You?"

And You replied, "You did not see Me, because you had hardened your heart. I knocked on your door several times, but you refused to open. I called your name several times, but you did not hear. I held out my hand for you, but you did not hold on to Me.”

So You had to send a messenger to me, and he touched my life with Your presence, Your truth and Your love.

Then finally, I opened my eyes, “Lord, I am sorry that I have previously rejected You. I was defiant and disobedient, arrogant and proud. But still You did not give me up. I committed idolatry, I spoke against You and did many things that are displeasing to Your eyes. And yet You reacted to my sins with kindness, mercy and grace. You took me to places I did not want to go, but You gave me courage to walk on. You brought me to people I have no desire to deal with, but You gave me patience to pull through. You threw me into the bottom of a pit, but You gave me strength to climb up.”

“Lord, if I could only see then, but I did not. But now I understand why I had to go through all tehse things, and I know that it was only for my betterment. Through my suffering, I learnt to seek You. Through my pain, I learnt to turn to You. And only through my helplessness, did I learn to depend on You.

“My Lord,, my King, will You forgive me? Will You give me a second chance? Will You delete away my past bad records and breathe a new life into me? Will You wash away the pain and fill me with joy? Will You take away my worries, and give me peace? Will You grant me strength, courage and love?”

and You replied, “I will be your refuge when you are broken in spirit, your shield when you need protection, your sword when you fight against your enemies, your joy when you are sad, your light when you walk in darkness of the world, your guide when you are lost. If you seek me, you will find me. If you ask from me, you will receive. And if you hold on to me and keep me close to your heart, then I will keep you close to mine too.”

“For I am the Lord, your rock, your savior, your creator, your healer, your light, your truth, your one and only God.”

And because of this revelation, this understanding at 24, I was saved from the ultimate sin, the ultimate rejection.