if everyone take care of themselves,

everyone will be taken care of.

a guilty confession

He will always make a way for me.

and yet i have not made my way to Him.

sometimes, the longer i live, the shorter i want to live.

calm down, deep breaths
and get yourself dressed instead of running around
and pulling all your threads and breaking yourself up

if it's a broken part, replace it
but, if it's a broken arm then brace it
if it's a broken heart then face it

and hold your own, know your name and go your own way,
and everything will be fine.

-- details in the fabric | jason mraz

the past three weeks have been the longest time i've been away from home.

on one hand, no more cold showers or inaccessibility to the internet for me; but on the other hand, there are so many more things that i would miss - the authentic ramly burgers, the milo cincau and nasi goreng kampung special in the canteen, the $10 dresses and all the cheap shopping, the affordability of cabs anytime and to anywhere, the feeling of being a tourist more than a student, and the carefree & worry-free lifestyle. i wished it hadn't ended so soon.

i know things would be different when we are back, but if i look on the bright side, there are so many things waiting for me at home, like my friends, my family and nice chinese food. i know that i cannot escape forever, and i must learn to clean up my own mess.

lunchtime at home, and then i am back to the singapore leg of the course.

It seems that the constipation has not only affected my bowels, but also my communicative intellect. Internet connection has been scarce, just like chinese food, sleep, and personal time. The learning has been slower than anticipated, but the experience has been overwhelming. Bathing at 11pm in water cold enough to run a chill down your spine; getting a diarrhea bad enough to make me dash to the toilet several times in the shopping mall; learning to be more vigilant about my own belongings and personal safety – these were the small incidents that make me more aware of how I have taken so many things for granted in my life.

This was the break that I thought I needed, but it turned out to be a pleasant surprise, like a kiss from a butterfly in the early morning. The company has been nothing short of amazing, as we unleashed the crazy side of all of us. From the incessant photo-whoring, to sitting by the bridge strumming the guitar and serenading in the moonlight, to lingerie-shopping at mid-valley, I am thankful that I got the chance to know my course mates much better. Also, despite the limited ability to communicate with the local students, they have been a joy to have around. I discovered that although language may not be universal, many nonverbal actions are – from a smile to communicate warmth, a hand around the shoulder to express friendship, and a gentle nod and giggle to convey a mutual understanding. It all goes back to the basics which i may have overlooked in the past because i have taken my language for granted.

But sadly, I'm afraid that once I'm return, I will revert to busking in the comforts of my own home, and forget about all I have learnt in the past week. But in the meantime, there is still two more weeks of communal living in simplicity. (: