this is so weird,
how this sense of detachment from self keeps coming back - the feeling that i dont exist, that i dont really know what im doing, that i am losing control of everything, that whatever im seeing is merely an illusion, that somebody is watching me, that i am trapped inside my body, that there are incongruencies in my memories.
and two nights ago, i remember trembling in fear when my insomnia sparked off a series of frightening thoughts. my mind became completely paralysed when i started wondering what could possibly happen to us after we die - what if, there isnt life after death; what if we just end up falling into an infinite dreamless sleep (but sleep, by definition, is just a periodic state of rest). what if we were wake up to find ourselves in a foreign place which resembles nothing like earth; and what if all our memories become wiped out when we stop breathing.
its a terrible thing to live forever, be it on earth, in hell or in heaven; as a human or as a soul.
and just when i thought nothing could be worse than having no life after death, my imagination proved me wrong.
if it exists, reincarnation would no doubt be the worst.
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