i think i need some anger management classes.

as well as some creative writing classes to lengthen my posts beyond the regular two-liners.

i always forget that alcohol is a depressant.

and that they dont go very well with chlorpheniramine tablets.

let rain fall from concrete coloured skies.

sad songs can be so addictive.

they drug you, numb you, and set you on a downward spiral.

ive developed a weird habit of feeling an overbearing sense of guilt for sleeping more than a certain number of hours. cos when we sleep, our level of work done lapses into stasis but if we dont sleep, our level of productivity dips, and so it can be hard to weigh the two and decide whether its more worth it to work through the night at a slow rate, or to push the work back and catch some sleep first. the choice should be rather obvious, but i just cant bring myself to sleep without being guilt-free sometimes.

i wish i had a twin.

in order to finish up what i have to do during this three-day break, i need two of me.

RAG has added so much more meaning in my life. (:

after such a long and arduous week, im so relieved to be in the comforts of my own home and being able to take a short break away from school, to spend some time with my family during this chinese new year festival.

and finally, i can get to sleep.

when did all the hostility start.

if we are always afraid of how people may judge us, then we will never really be ourselves; we will only become a mirage of what we think others want us to be.

you gotta stand your own two feet.

im beginning to suspect that i have a subconscious need to keep myself busy all the time and to constantly wear myself out.

these days, its hardly safe to say anything anywhere anymore.

words repeat, breathing histories into stories untold.

and i unfold.








this was where i used to work during my six-month break. and my memory of this place,

will always remain grey - just like how this song colours my mind.

youll never get to realise what you cant live without, because theoretically, you should be dead by then.

one hour ago, i switched on my laptop and realised that it is

d
o
w
n.

well, and i always thought i wouldnt be able to live without it.

but im alive still; just extremely pissed at myself and cursing under my breath.

i dont need think i can ever thank you enough.

thanks for understanding, cos that is what i need the most now.


--


ever been in a situation where you feel awful about something but you cant breathe a word to anyone because of the nature of the problem; and some of the pillars that used to hold you up have somehow collapsed. you try to look around for support, but everyone is just pointing at you in contempt. after all, it is always easy to criticise.

well, you can only hold your head up and walk on.
que sera sera. what will be, will be.

im not afraid of pain.
im afraid of being unable to feel pain, whatever that means.

I made a posie while the day ran by :
Here will I smell my remnant out, and tie
    My life within this band.
But Time did becken to the flowers, and they
By noon most cunningly did steal away,
    And wither'd in my hand.

My hand was next to them, and then my heart ;
I took, without more thinking, in good part
    Time's gentle admonition ;
Who did so sweetly death's sad taste convey,
Making my minde to smell my fatall day,
    Yet sugring the suspicion.

Farewell, dear flowers, sweetly your time ye spent,
Fit, while ye lived, for smell or ornament,
    And after death for cures.
I follow straight without complaints or grief,
Since if my scent be good, I care not, if
    It be as short as yours.

-- life | george herbert

i have five huge contusions on my right thigh. just because i banged straight into a pole on a bicycle last night.

well, the last time i suffered from such a shock was when i accidentally fell off the bed while i was happily rolling from one end to the other. i was only about five years old then.

what the new year means to me:

1. toast to old friendships - yes, its going to be another year together!


2. more work than the last; its going to be a much tougher year ahead.


3. time for brush off the dust on my old journal and shove it into my cupboard. a new journal with the fragrance of fresh white pages awaits me.


4. growing old; worst still - hitting the twenties. :(


5. time to be raggerfied. :)


6. staying strong for another three hundred and sixty-five days.

thanks to the soothing vocals of jack johnson, i started this day feeling unusually optimistic. and hopefully, it symbolises an optimistic year ahead for me.

no matter where youre reading this from, new year cheers to you. :)