well, this is going to be my last post.

of the year, i mean. ((: while i always like to spend my birthday reflecting on what i have achieved in the one year which i have aged, the last day of december is the best time for me to look back and show appreciation to people who have made carved their names on my tree of life. and as the tree ages, the number of names increases as well.

if my life were a christmas tree, these people would be the bells that give the tree a touch of colors, the lights that dance in joy and exuberance, and the star that sparkles and exude a sense of hope.

the list is going to be long, and i regret to say that i wont be able to name all of them. but nevertheless, to dearest bean, gloria, zhui, jj, lays, aya, yuanyuan, hh, vanessa, aaron, waiye, weif, jan, edith, yun, sera, 26th & friends (you know who you are :)), 30th (esp to SnR), sashimi, raggers, a11, & sqdmates -

thank you for your friendship, the beautiful memories and the smashing year. to all friends, foes & strangers, hope youll have a happier year ahead! ((:

it seems like one earthquake, and we are all being thrown back to the primitive days of 56k dial-up, where everything takes ages to load.

for the first time, im beginning to realise how dependent ive been on the internet, and dependency breeds such vulnerability, and now i feel almost handicapped.

the rain makes us wet.

i cut my hair for a change cos i was sick of myself.

and i just want to be invisible, like a stranger.

life not only takes us to different places, but to different people as well.

today is christmas eve, and also my first day-off ever since i started work on tuesday. and as i lie in my bed on this lazy raining afternoon, i am surprised to find myself missing work already. despite the low pay, the late night shifts, and the physically demanding chores at work, the job packs in the fun, and the fast-moving pace, and the people-oriented touch that i desire. maybe the novelty of the job will wear off after a while, maybe it wont, but for now, it is a great way to kill time and to keep myself busy, as well as an ideal avenue to channel my energy to. ((:

thats why at the end of the day, its important to always have somewhere, or someone to turn to no matter how far we walk.

okay, starting from today, i am going to set up a workaholics anonymous.

but first, lets see if you qualify. ((:

you know youre a workaholic when:

• you work more than fourteen hours a day
• you choose to skip your breaks at work so that you can cover more
• you have so little time that you would rather sleep than eat.
• you dont really love the work but you just cant stop doing it anyway.
• you work on even on public holidays, and public holiday eves.
• your boss wants to pay you to slack, and you rejected his offer
• you cant stop thinking about work, that you become insomniac at night (even though you can be very physically tired)
• you hate your colleague but you dont mind covering his work
• you pack your day to the brim that you only have fifteen minutes for lunch, five minutes to wait for the bus, and ten minutes of toilet break.
• you believe in putting work before everything and everyone else.

coming out soon, the twelve-step fifty-seven steps programme! (come on, workaholics can do much better.)

im all drained, and dry.

yet they are still trying to wring out the last drop of water from me.



and you know, i really really HATE liars. and most people lie.


ah fuck, i just want to leave everything behind.

workaholics anonymous, anyone? :/

i received my first christmas card this year,

on my first day of work at a certain cafe, from a bunch of really warm and friendly customers who brightened up my evening. (not to forgot that one of them was actually quite cute :D [okay that sounded bimbotic :/ ]) anyhow, they were so sweet and forgiving towards the mistakes i made, and it was like a shot of caramel in a cup of dark bitter espresso.

but just when i thought i have broken free of my spell of bad luck, i was so wrong. i reached home around midnight, hungry and cold, and i had dragged myself to the kitchen to cook my first meal of the day, only to find a horde of ants swimming in my hot soupy noodles.

they must have wanted a hot bath, just like me.

i am an unhappy snowman.
i cant wait for the sun to come out, so that i can melt and disappear.

its going to be a really long and miserable christmas. )):

some people should be a little less predictable,

and a little more reliable. :/

if freud was right,

i think im running out of psychic energy.

i feel like a big fat snowball rolling down the slope, dragging everything in my trail along with me.

i just need one thing to work now.

anything.

let me lie

suspended in the amniotic fluid,

within the scarlet walls,

and bask in the warm and lush bubble.

i am alive, but i need not breathe;

i am hungry, but i need not eat;

i am blind, but i need not see,

for love wraps me up like a gift,

and multiplies itself into life.


then, the cord snaps and darkness befalls.

fight it, fight it.

its not worth living for, but its not worth dying for either.

i feel like i have been spoilt by the computer.

whenever i accidentally delete an important file, i can always go to the recycle bin to retrieve it, or whenever i make changes to a picture or an essay which i dont quite like, i can always 'ctrl-z' to get it back to its original form. unfortunately, the 'undo' function only exists in the virtual world.

a couple of months back, i threw away all the old letters that i used to received during my secondary school days, and its too late to regret because its probably in the incinerator or some recycling plant by now. yesterday, i accidentally missed a step on the staircase and twisted my ankle. and today, i said something hurtful to a friend which i wished i didnt. but well, its a pity i cant undo such mistakes. so i guess i just have to be more careful next time because there is no room for mistakes in reality, only room for improvement.

during my exams just now, we had to produce three essays of substantial length within the two-hour time frame. and the most frustrating thing was that i had to keep repeating and rewriting certain phrases that i wished i could had just copy and paste it wherever i need it, or write a 'x' and replace it with the actual phrase after the completion of my essay. but my answer booklet was no microsoft word document. it was just some plain foolscap paper with plenty of cancellations, correction tape and hardly legible scribbles all over the pages.

and sometimes in an exam, we can only write for as long as our fingers can hold the pen. when it comes to typing, it is just your fingers, your brain and the keyboard. there is no pen, no pain from gripping the pen too hard, and a lot of shortcuts to make your writing much easier and more efficient.