but now i am certain.
no, it's not about whose side i'm on for the aware saga. that is passe. with the media shifting its attention to the swine flu that foreshadows another SARS epidemic, we have better things to worry about. after all, according to experts, the swine flu may potentially spread faster than the SARS virus due to a faster infectious period; and on top of that, it may be harder to detect (CNA, 27 April 2009). good health is so elusive these days.
back to my topic, i was previously wondering if i made the wrong decision about my holiday. but now i am certain that i was right about making the wrong move. because i'm leaving early, i have to cram all my tuitions. because i have to cram all my tuitions, i have made myself very exhausted over the past one week (and this will continue right until the day i fly off). not to mention the guilt that i feel about leaving before my kids' exams. and because i am so tired, i barely have the energy or motivation to study for my own exams.
yes, from time to time, i forget that i have exams to study for.
thank goodness, my gpa this semester would probably not affect my class of honours already. but i really regret to end my last semester on such a low. ):
25.4.09
be aware to make an informed decision
please support them if you believe them!
http://we-are-aware.sg/egm
having worked in several student organisations, i understand the pain of seeing how all your hard work is being destroyed by a group of strangers who are inexperienced in the organisation and clueless about its operation. their sole criticism of the organisation is based on the one assumption that we have yet to ascertain. and worse still, they even fire practically everyone in the old team regardless of their knowledge and skills. just because it is legitimate, doesn't mean it is ethical. oh wait, did i mention that leaving the ex-president out of their exco meetings is apparently illegitimate according to the constitution?
i beg you to be a wise consumer of mass media. don't only read the papers. read blogs, google it, and find out from the insiders (provided they are willing to comment). be objective. for every accusation made, please look carefully at the validity and reliabiltiy of the evidence. also to be fair, please read widely to get a range of diverse views from both sides.
ultimately, it doesn't matter who you support, as long as it is a fully informed decision.
http://we-are-aware.sg/egm
having worked in several student organisations, i understand the pain of seeing how all your hard work is being destroyed by a group of strangers who are inexperienced in the organisation and clueless about its operation. their sole criticism of the organisation is based on the one assumption that we have yet to ascertain. and worse still, they even fire practically everyone in the old team regardless of their knowledge and skills. just because it is legitimate, doesn't mean it is ethical. oh wait, did i mention that leaving the ex-president out of their exco meetings is apparently illegitimate according to the constitution?
i beg you to be a wise consumer of mass media. don't only read the papers. read blogs, google it, and find out from the insiders (provided they are willing to comment). be objective. for every accusation made, please look carefully at the validity and reliabiltiy of the evidence. also to be fair, please read widely to get a range of diverse views from both sides.
ultimately, it doesn't matter who you support, as long as it is a fully informed decision.
24.4.09
from AWARE to BEWARE
i think the AWARE saga is getting more and more exciting, as the new guard resorts to despicable means such as sacking those who defy their orders, deliberately excluding their own exco member from the press conference (were they afraid that she might speak openly about some things?) and changing the locks so that only eight members can access the centre after office hours (no prizes for guessing who the 8 of them might be).
when dp teo chee hian said that "all interest groups in Singapore should put their points of view across in a tolerant way and not force their views on others" (CNA, 24 April 2009) i think he was implying that people should learn to tolerate diversity and respect personal choices of others. i can think that smoking is wrong, but i cannot go around forcing people to quit smoking. neither should i go around telling people that they would die and go to hell if they smoke. what i can do is to share my view that smoking is bad for health in the long run, and try to win them over.
with that said, i think gay activists should not get too defensive and assume that the new guard will go around persecuting homosexuals using their newly acquired weapon (some Netizens have even labelled the new guard as the Christian Talibans). maybe people should wait and see if they really do "bring AWARE back to its original course" or would they act on their own agenda.
a quick check on AWARE's mission revealed it to be:
come 2nd may, there will be an EOGM, and another round of cat fight for members of the public to feast their eyes on. i won't be around in singapore to read the news, but whatever the outcome is, it doesn't really matter. if the old guard fails to overthrow the new guard (which i think is likely to happen, given the huge amount of support the latter have garnered over the last three months), maybe they can take their course somewhere and start anew.
they could be called BEWARE - Bonding and Empowering Women for Action, Research and Equality.
[/edit] You have to read the following:
i think everyone is entitled to have their own beliefs and values, as long as they do not infringe on other people's rights. but i would be equally worried if values about women's submission to man and to domesticity (presumably held by people who are leading a woman advocacy group, whose vision is apparently "equality for all") were to be passed on to the younger generation, as i would be if pro-homosexual/gay/lesbian (or whatever term you want to call it) messages were to be passed on.
but then again, everything here are just speculations. peace!
when dp teo chee hian said that "all interest groups in Singapore should put their points of view across in a tolerant way and not force their views on others" (CNA, 24 April 2009) i think he was implying that people should learn to tolerate diversity and respect personal choices of others. i can think that smoking is wrong, but i cannot go around forcing people to quit smoking. neither should i go around telling people that they would die and go to hell if they smoke. what i can do is to share my view that smoking is bad for health in the long run, and try to win them over.
with that said, i think gay activists should not get too defensive and assume that the new guard will go around persecuting homosexuals using their newly acquired weapon (some Netizens have even labelled the new guard as the Christian Talibans). maybe people should wait and see if they really do "bring AWARE back to its original course" or would they act on their own agenda.
a quick check on AWARE's mission revealed it to be:
sounds like a good cause, although i am not sure if the new exco had alter the mission since their takeover. if they did, then that wouldn't be the original course, would it?
Our mission is to identify areas for improvement in gender equality, encourage positive change, and support women in realising their highest potential. We believe that gains made by women are not gains made at the expense of men. Rather, they are gains which benefit families and society as a whole (AWARE, 2009).
come 2nd may, there will be an EOGM, and another round of cat fight for members of the public to feast their eyes on. i won't be around in singapore to read the news, but whatever the outcome is, it doesn't really matter. if the old guard fails to overthrow the new guard (which i think is likely to happen, given the huge amount of support the latter have garnered over the last three months), maybe they can take their course somewhere and start anew.
they could be called BEWARE - Bonding and Empowering Women for Action, Research and Equality.
[/edit] You have to read the following:
i think everyone is entitled to have their own beliefs and values, as long as they do not infringe on other people's rights. but i would be equally worried if values about women's submission to man and to domesticity (presumably held by people who are leading a woman advocacy group, whose vision is apparently "equality for all") were to be passed on to the younger generation, as i would be if pro-homosexual/gay/lesbian (or whatever term you want to call it) messages were to be passed on.
but then again, everything here are just speculations. peace!
despite my plans to leave the house on time, i found myself running late for my afternoon korean class again. i left my place at 1135pm, and i was contemplating whether to take the cab (like i did last week). but i did some maths, and decided that the first ten minutes of class weren't worth $10 of cab, so when the feeder service came, i boarded the bus.
unfortunately, i am actually quite fickle-minded when it comes to small daily decisions. halfway through the journey to the train station, i suddenly panicked about being late, and i changed my mind about taking the public transport. so i alighted one stop away from the train station to get a cab - but what a foolish decision! because the traffic is extremely heavy and slow at the junction.
but even more unfortunate was the lack of cash in my wallet and the lack of cabs which could accept card payment. i wasted ten minutes trying to flag a cab, and still my attempts were futile. i was so exasperated that i even contemplated skipping class. after all, skipping one lesson would cost me only $5 (the class is actually free but cutting one class would mean losing the deposit for one lesson). ten minus five, i would only make a $5 loss compared to a $10 loss if i were to take a cab. furthermore, the time was already 1155pm and i was perspiring profusely in the scorching heat.
while i was cursing under my breath, i was still not ready to give up. i made a dash to the nearest cab stand (thankfully there was no queue!), stared into every cab for the credit card sticker, and threw myself into the cab when i finally found one that could pick me up. then woosh, i was on my way to class!
of cos, the journey did not turn out as well as i expected. firstly, when the cab left the CTE tunnel onto havelock road, i saw to my dismay, the activation of ERP after 12noon! urghhh! i could have save on ERP had i taken the cab from the start (there was no ERP from 10am-12nn). and that wasn't the worst that could happen. the cab driver did not know where my destination was, so in the end, he overshot and we got lost!
now that's a loud URGHHHHHHH!
i got off at a random building, and thankfully, i recognised one of the buildings and got my bearings from there. by the time i reached my class, it was 1215pm (i would have reached at the same time if i had taken the train) and i was perspiring AGAIN.
lesson of the day - fickle-mindedness is expensive.
unfortunately, i am actually quite fickle-minded when it comes to small daily decisions. halfway through the journey to the train station, i suddenly panicked about being late, and i changed my mind about taking the public transport. so i alighted one stop away from the train station to get a cab - but what a foolish decision! because the traffic is extremely heavy and slow at the junction.
but even more unfortunate was the lack of cash in my wallet and the lack of cabs which could accept card payment. i wasted ten minutes trying to flag a cab, and still my attempts were futile. i was so exasperated that i even contemplated skipping class. after all, skipping one lesson would cost me only $5 (the class is actually free but cutting one class would mean losing the deposit for one lesson). ten minus five, i would only make a $5 loss compared to a $10 loss if i were to take a cab. furthermore, the time was already 1155pm and i was perspiring profusely in the scorching heat.
while i was cursing under my breath, i was still not ready to give up. i made a dash to the nearest cab stand (thankfully there was no queue!), stared into every cab for the credit card sticker, and threw myself into the cab when i finally found one that could pick me up. then woosh, i was on my way to class!
of cos, the journey did not turn out as well as i expected. firstly, when the cab left the CTE tunnel onto havelock road, i saw to my dismay, the activation of ERP after 12noon! urghhh! i could have save on ERP had i taken the cab from the start (there was no ERP from 10am-12nn). and that wasn't the worst that could happen. the cab driver did not know where my destination was, so in the end, he overshot and we got lost!
now that's a loud URGHHHHHHH!
i got off at a random building, and thankfully, i recognised one of the buildings and got my bearings from there. by the time i reached my class, it was 1215pm (i would have reached at the same time if i had taken the train) and i was perspiring AGAIN.
lesson of the day - fickle-mindedness is expensive.
21.4.09
early withdrawal is a preemptive move against separation anxiety.
i did not regret my decision to fly off right after exams, even if that meant missing the graduation dinner, post-exams celebration and everything else fun. but today when i saw how stressed my student was over her mid-years, i really wished i waited longer before i decided. because i won't be around during her examinations, she has to cramp three years of maths and science over the next two weeks.
i hope this teaches me to consider the implications of my actions on others before i act upon them. maybe then, i would make wiser decisions in life.
i did not regret my decision to fly off right after exams, even if that meant missing the graduation dinner, post-exams celebration and everything else fun. but today when i saw how stressed my student was over her mid-years, i really wished i waited longer before i decided. because i won't be around during her examinations, she has to cramp three years of maths and science over the next two weeks.
i hope this teaches me to consider the implications of my actions on others before i act upon them. maybe then, i would make wiser decisions in life.
19.4.09
i am so sick of studying. then i think about july and feel a slight palpitation. no more projects, no more lessons, no more essays. i will finally be getting my hands on what i have learnt for the past four years.
sounds exciting but no, that's not the whole picture.
because unfortunately come july, it would not be just another attachment. it will be the real thing, where responsibilities are heavy, people are less forgiving and mistakes are not tolerated. i look ahead and all i see is a infinite desert.
i'm never going back to school again. i am leaving the final oasis, the last sanctuary.
sounds exciting but no, that's not the whole picture.
because unfortunately come july, it would not be just another attachment. it will be the real thing, where responsibilities are heavy, people are less forgiving and mistakes are not tolerated. i look ahead and all i see is a infinite desert.
i'm never going back to school again. i am leaving the final oasis, the last sanctuary.
17.4.09
voicelessness
some people build walls around them.
but i prefer to build windows. because despite being trapped in a place where i have no desire to be, at least i get to watch the world outside. and occasionally, i am able to open the window to peep out and pretend like i am part of the hustle and bustle.
but other times, i just want to stay indoors.
but i prefer to build windows. because despite being trapped in a place where i have no desire to be, at least i get to watch the world outside. and occasionally, i am able to open the window to peep out and pretend like i am part of the hustle and bustle.
but other times, i just want to stay indoors.
13.4.09
cowardice is easier
a couple of days ago, i witnessed a man sitting at the bus stop with a cigarette stub lighted. he was blowing puffs of smoke into the chilly evening air, and the wind carried it to my nose. i stared at him, and he looked back nonchalantly. i could detect the arrogance in him, challenging me to tell him off.
and today, i watched a man throw away a plastic bag of drink on the grass right in front of me. "OEI!" a man behind me shouted at him. i turned around half expecting an angry good citizen to tell the litter bug off, only to see the two men slap high fives and laugh while they scrambled off to board a bus.
after the two incidents, i came to two conclusions. number one, laws won't work in the absence of social sanction and other forms of reinforcement. but unless there is a law that says not telling people off when they break a minor law is a crime, singaporeans would continue to mind their own business. number two, i am a typical singaporean.
i didn't have enough courage to tell strangers off like this, and i don't know if that has anything to do with my gender or my age. the commercial made it seem so easy for a five year old girl to tell an adult male smoker off, but i'm ninety-nine point nine percent sure that this doesn't happen in real life. does it?
and today, i watched a man throw away a plastic bag of drink on the grass right in front of me. "OEI!" a man behind me shouted at him. i turned around half expecting an angry good citizen to tell the litter bug off, only to see the two men slap high fives and laugh while they scrambled off to board a bus.
after the two incidents, i came to two conclusions. number one, laws won't work in the absence of social sanction and other forms of reinforcement. but unless there is a law that says not telling people off when they break a minor law is a crime, singaporeans would continue to mind their own business. number two, i am a typical singaporean.
i didn't have enough courage to tell strangers off like this, and i don't know if that has anything to do with my gender or my age. the commercial made it seem so easy for a five year old girl to tell an adult male smoker off, but i'm ninety-nine point nine percent sure that this doesn't happen in real life. does it?
12.4.09
sheep in fog
The hills step off into whiteness.
People or stars
Regard me sadly, I disappoint them.
The train leaves a line of breath.
O slow
Horse the colour of rust,
Hooves, dolorous bells -
All morning the
Morning has been blackening,
A flower left out.
My bones hold a stillness, the far
Fields melt my heart.
They threaten
To let me through to a heaven
Starless and fatherless, a dark water.
People or stars
Regard me sadly, I disappoint them.
The train leaves a line of breath.
O slow
Horse the colour of rust,
Hooves, dolorous bells -
All morning the
Morning has been blackening,
A flower left out.
My bones hold a stillness, the far
Fields melt my heart.
They threaten
To let me through to a heaven
Starless and fatherless, a dark water.
-- sylvia plath
many of the jems that i have collected over the years have lost their shimmer. when all the glow has faded, i know it's time to move on to a better place.
8.4.09
after the rain, in the lonely hours
today is another one of those days when i feel that i am never going to be good enough for my expectations. and i get messages pointing to it all the time.
you might find it funny, because therapy is what i'm supposed to be specialised in, and the satir model is what i subscribe to. call me hypocritical, but i find it so hard to practice what i preach.
i try to climb up the wall, but every other day, i find myself slipping off.
you might find it funny, because therapy is what i'm supposed to be specialised in, and the satir model is what i subscribe to. call me hypocritical, but i find it so hard to practice what i preach.
i try to climb up the wall, but every other day, i find myself slipping off.
2.4.09
five o'clock and a fire escape symphony
i made two mistakes today. and they keep repeating in my head like a symphony on loop.
on a side note, i find myself slightly disillusioned today. i don't understand why some people can pick on the smallest mistakes of others, yet gloss over their own shortcomings. i don't understand why people always assume that others are not trying when they haven't paid enough attention to them in the first place. i don't understand why people love to give criticisms when they probably enjoy hearing praises. i don't understand why some people value honesty more than the feelings of others. i don't understand how some people can speak so passionately about empathy, social change, empowerment, yet enjoy trampling on others' pride and putting others down. and what i don't understand most is, how some of these people can actually rise up to become respectable public characters.
then i looked in the mirror, and i thought i saw two faces and a tainted heart.
on a side note, i find myself slightly disillusioned today. i don't understand why some people can pick on the smallest mistakes of others, yet gloss over their own shortcomings. i don't understand why people always assume that others are not trying when they haven't paid enough attention to them in the first place. i don't understand why people love to give criticisms when they probably enjoy hearing praises. i don't understand why some people value honesty more than the feelings of others. i don't understand how some people can speak so passionately about empathy, social change, empowerment, yet enjoy trampling on others' pride and putting others down. and what i don't understand most is, how some of these people can actually rise up to become respectable public characters.
then i looked in the mirror, and i thought i saw two faces and a tainted heart.
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