i am losing my patience because im not getting the answers.

i cant find it in the books. i cant find it online. i cant find it under the pillow.
i cant find it in my sleep. i cant find it in school. i cant find it in the movies. i cant find it in the people around me. i cant find it in the things i do. i cant find it in my veins. i cant find it in myself.

with showers like this everyday, there is no doubt why the evening skies have been so dark, the weather has been so cold, and life has been so bleak.

always the years between us,
always the years.
always the love.
always the hours.

i have to live my life in chains.
maybe that is something you will never understand.

better that every fiber crack
and fury make head,
blood drenching vivid
couch, carpet, floor
and the snake-figured almanac
vouching you are
a million green counties from here,

than to sit mute, twitching so
under prickling stars,
with stare, with curse
blackening the time
goodbyes were said, trains let go,
and I, great magnanimous fool, thus wrenched from
my one kingdom.

monologue at 3am | sylvia plath

i hate you. dont leave me.

i just want to lock the gates, set the wolves on loose, then crawl into my casket and sleep through the rest of my life.

i have been there,

pulled myself up with my own strength,

and i dont see why you cannot.

i dont think im strong. im just less selfish, less dependent and less self-absorbed.

there is a monster in my garage.

i thought i had completely, successfully eradicated it. i thought i had locked it up safely. i thought it was out of my sight, out of my way, out of my life. but slowly its remnants began to surface and they started multiplying like bacteria.

i am horrified.

it is growling menacingly. it is banging at my door, demanding to come in.

girl looking for temporary job desperately.

she can do all sorts of work from data entry, telemarketing, ushering, sales ( for example, selling of t-shirts with animal prints, or pins that come in the shape of a heart; or red packets with a lucky draw inside), banner painting (which includes designing and chalking of the banner), events management/organisation (email me for my resume :), administration, registration (or pulling people to register), tutoring, amateurish website designing, house-cleaning, ironing (especially ironing logos onto singlets) or other domestic chores (like folding of clothes and tidying of shelves), manual labour (for example, carrying tables, chairs, or cartons of newater), packing of goodie bags (she is capable of packing hundreds of them), flagging (her forte - getting people to donate to her), making of signboards, manpower allocation, public relations, and of course her all-time favourite - booth manning.

if you are interested in hiring her, please drop her an email and response is guaranteed within a day. (ohh, she can do email correspondence as well.)

alternatively, you are MOST welcomed to make a kind donation (with no strings attached please!) to the jingyi-pocket-money-fund. (:

with secrets, come lies.

i have been unable to draw a circle around myself. i dont know how wide the diameter should be, where to place the circle, and what to include within its circumference.

i think im going through a period of hypersomnia. everything else seems to be irrelevant and inconsequential.

all of a sudden, my life became defined by numbers alone.

lifehouse always see me through my bad times.

i kicked off the day with the intentions of doing a 2.4km jog. thinking that it would be a rather short and easy run, i decided to start off at a relatively fast pace. midway through the jog, i felt that i hadnt exercised enough and so i decided to make huge detour before heading home. however after some distance, i realised that my legs could not carry me this fast and this far, hence i was forced to either slow down or take a shorter route. i chose the former and after one long morning, i was finally home.

you could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in.

i hate being caught in a quarrel.

it makes me feel like im the cause of the quarrel sometimes.

STOP telling things i already know.

i have heard them too many times.