you filled in the colours for me.
thank you for being a part of my life, love. (:

do you believe that there are no permanent allies,

only permanent interests.

cos i do.










my time here is up. im sorry i have to go.

with so much time on her hands,

she directs her excess energy to her books - to fantasy where heroes exist in the form of a 15-year-old boy with asperger syndrome and plenty of courage; to literature where fate and infidelity defines the intimacy of a couple's relationship; to non-fiction, where academics illustrate how time pressure is inversely proportionate to a man's co-worker support network, and directly proportionate to a woman's; and to spending her afternoons in a trance, musing about her future.

all in the setting of a noisy cafe on a sunny afternoon, with the aroma of expressos in the atmosphere, nostalgic tunes from the nineties in the background, and the company of her notes and her favourite novels.

you painted a rainbow when my skies were grey.

you stuck with me through thick and thin, through the ups and the downs, through the brightest and the dullest moments. you gave me a hug when i needed comfort, you gave me a pat on the shoulder when i needed encouragement, you lent me your ears when i needed relief, you stood beside me when i needed support, you looked into my eyes when i needed assurance, and you held my hands when i needed courage. you laughed with me, sang with me, walked with me, sat with me, stayed up through countless nights with me, stood under the scorching sun and the pouring rain with me, fought with me, persevered on with me, bled with me and wept with me.

you have made my past year so beautiful, and you gave me all the reason to live, to love and to be strong.

my appetite has been growing, and topping my list of cravings are -

• magnolia oat milk
• green tea mooncakes
• rittersport cornflake
• swensens chocolate malt sundae
• crystal jades meatball congee
• nydcs oreo cheesecake

with everything slipping away from me at an exponential rate, its a pity that the only thing im not losing, is weight. ):

i live with the threat of my extinction too.

you like to be surrounded by four solid walls.
you are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
you are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present.
you are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
you enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

take this if you have two minutes to spare.

in my abrupt manic outbursts, i chose to hide myself.

forgetting something is so difficult because in order to force yourself to not think about it, you must first, identify the object or matter that you are trying to forget, then focus on eradicating from your mind.

so, always think in terms of positives - try keeping your mind occupied with something else instead - then you will just need to keep concentrating on that thing. it speeds up the process. ((:

ive never felt this close to the end.

i just hope i hit the bottom soon.

if you take a pencil and draw one full circle,

you find yourself back at the point at where you have started, with your pencil tip blunder perhaps.

i like the sound of your name on my lips.

i love shopping and getting around on my own nowadays - i dont have to stop at some shop to wait for any friend who may want to look at something which i am not interested in; i can spend as much time as i want at any place without worrying that i may be boring someone; i dont have to convince anyone to go anywhere with me; i can just keep walking without any destination in mind; i dont get the temptation to eat; when im tired, i can either unwind on a long bus ride and watch the world slip behind me, or chill out at a cafe and indulge in a good read; i dont have to talk to anybody, or smile when i dont feel like it; i can be totally random, totally lost, but totally in control.

and the solitude that they have granted me.

i must have forgotten how much i used to like you.

i remember those mornings when i would spring out of bed no matter how tired i might be feeling, because going to school used to be so, exciting. i remember peeping through the puny glass windows whenever i walk along the corridors of the school, in hope that i would catch your silly face looking lost in class. i remember searching through the the canteen crowd, and delibrately choosing the queue which you are in, no matter how lousy the food is. i remember sitting beside you during lunch, and becoming extremely self-conscious as i scoped the food on my spoon, and put it in my mouth. i remember waiting for you at the bench, and feeling my heart skip as i watched you walk hurriedly towards me. and i will always, always remember how i used to smile for you, at you, and together with you. ((:

memory is choosy. memory is selective.
and happy songs makes me remember only the happy moments. ((:

my life feels like a melodrama on repeat mode, with so many dreary episodes played over and over again.

so everyone did lie in the end.

but the person who gives himself away before the others, loses.

(she may have lost but she won anyway.)

have you ever been so confused by what you really are that you stop searching for the answers because you know that you will never find a definite one.

after all, not everything has to be black or white all the time. theres always grey, and different tones of grey.