God has truly blessed me with good and faithful friends.
my bestie who would drop me a note even though she's having a really bad day/week. my favourite girls who would speak in their crazy self-taught accents, and accompany me to hong bao hor. my honours classmates who always crack me up with their antics and brighten up my day with unexpectedly sweet gestures. and a confidante of mine who showed me how important i am to her!
there are so many reasons why i need to pull myself up, hence i must strive harder to walk out of the tunnel completely.
28.1.09
today, i put a stop to all this misery
by drawing a smiley face and wearing it.
this way, it makes it easier for people around me, and easier for myself.
this way, it makes it easier for people around me, and easier for myself.
27.1.09
26.1.09
this place is privatising in three months' time or sooner
i don't know what triggered it,
but i was reminded of a particular scene in A.I., when David clung on to Martin and mumbled "keep me safe, keep me safe, keep me safe, keep me safe" incessantly under his breath.
i need to be more forgetful.
but i was reminded of a particular scene in A.I., when David clung on to Martin and mumbled "keep me safe, keep me safe, keep me safe, keep me safe" incessantly under his breath.
i need to be more forgetful.
24.1.09
i've got nothing left to say, just take me away
i wish somebody could fire me from the job of mothering my mother and playing the middleman.
some jobs used to be manageable in the past, but now that i am flooded every minute with my own worries and problems, the last thing i want is to be bogged down by a thick patch of mud.
chinese new year hasn't even started, and i'm feeling so tired already.
some jobs used to be manageable in the past, but now that i am flooded every minute with my own worries and problems, the last thing i want is to be bogged down by a thick patch of mud.
chinese new year hasn't even started, and i'm feeling so tired already.
22.1.09
how i evolved into a geek
disclaimer: the post below is the result of a self-centred, narcissistic introspection, and an attempt to procrastinate my work. read only if you're bored, read only if you have the slightest interest in my insipid life.
for the past few weeks (or has it been months already?), my name has become synonymous with words like "nerd" and "geek". so yesterday, i tried to challenge the title, and defend myself.
"i'm not a nerd, i just like to read", i explained.
and then N said, "i know, you like to read readings right?" a cunning use of alliteration to trap me into admitting it.
but then i replied, "no, i like to read novels too".
and E and N scrutinised me and concluded that i am still a geek.
but before i rest the case, i was wondering how and when did i develop a liking to read, and even more so for the past few months.
i ran a quick check in my mind, and i recalled picking up my brother's textbooks for leisure reading when i was in kindergarten (he's two years my senior). the pets coursebook and hao gong ming always fascinated me when i was young. so okay, that's evidence that the geekiness can be attributed to "nature".
then i fast-forwarded to the recent december holidays that had just passed, and i remembered having to choose between writing the literature review for my thesis, and reading freakonomics. i chose the latter of cos, simply because it was the lesser of the evil. so i was actually incentivised by my circumstances to read. and that's one tick for "nurture".
one against one, that's a draw. so i turned to a cost-benefit analysis on my favourite pasttimes.
i love watching youtube, because it provides pure entertainment that's accessible anytime, any day. but even though it has low explicit cost, the opportunity costs are still enormously high. the dramas on youtube take up an extravagant chunk of my time (especially when i'm hopelessly hooked to a show), and the biggest cost is the sanction that comes whenever a show got me glued to the small black screen. it's the sanction of guilt. guilt of procrastination. guilt of work forgone.
then there's shopping and dining. but shopping makes me broke, eating makes me fat. not much incentive i'd say.
so this is how i started liking to read more. the benefits of reading are expansive - it stimulates your brain, empowers you with knowledge, provides entertainment and even escapism, depending on the genre. this is not counting the sense of accomplishment everytime you finish a new book, or a thick stack of readings. and the costs of it all, is merely time. but to me, time is always well-spent if i use it to acquire knowledge that i can one day use at my disposal. and with the advent of the internet and the whole collection of books at libraries, the cost of reading has become negligible. so this sounds too good to be true, isn't it?
before i end, i thought i might as well look up the dictionary, and i was amused by what i read:
well, so now that you've heard the full story, please kindly revise your opinion of me, and i'll be happy to invite you to my book club anytime. (:
--
for the past few weeks (or has it been months already?), my name has become synonymous with words like "nerd" and "geek". so yesterday, i tried to challenge the title, and defend myself.
"i'm not a nerd, i just like to read", i explained.
and then N said, "i know, you like to read readings right?" a cunning use of alliteration to trap me into admitting it.
but then i replied, "no, i like to read novels too".
and E and N scrutinised me and concluded that i am still a geek.
but before i rest the case, i was wondering how and when did i develop a liking to read, and even more so for the past few months.
i ran a quick check in my mind, and i recalled picking up my brother's textbooks for leisure reading when i was in kindergarten (he's two years my senior). the pets coursebook and hao gong ming always fascinated me when i was young. so okay, that's evidence that the geekiness can be attributed to "nature".
then i fast-forwarded to the recent december holidays that had just passed, and i remembered having to choose between writing the literature review for my thesis, and reading freakonomics. i chose the latter of cos, simply because it was the lesser of the evil. so i was actually incentivised by my circumstances to read. and that's one tick for "nurture".
one against one, that's a draw. so i turned to a cost-benefit analysis on my favourite pasttimes.
i love watching youtube, because it provides pure entertainment that's accessible anytime, any day. but even though it has low explicit cost, the opportunity costs are still enormously high. the dramas on youtube take up an extravagant chunk of my time (especially when i'm hopelessly hooked to a show), and the biggest cost is the sanction that comes whenever a show got me glued to the small black screen. it's the sanction of guilt. guilt of procrastination. guilt of work forgone.
then there's shopping and dining. but shopping makes me broke, eating makes me fat. not much incentive i'd say.
so this is how i started liking to read more. the benefits of reading are expansive - it stimulates your brain, empowers you with knowledge, provides entertainment and even escapism, depending on the genre. this is not counting the sense of accomplishment everytime you finish a new book, or a thick stack of readings. and the costs of it all, is merely time. but to me, time is always well-spent if i use it to acquire knowledge that i can one day use at my disposal. and with the advent of the internet and the whole collection of books at libraries, the cost of reading has become negligible. so this sounds too good to be true, isn't it?
before i end, i thought i might as well look up the dictionary, and i was amused by what i read:
a nerd is defined as "1. a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person. 2. an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit"hey, surely i am neither obsessed with a nonsocial pursuit, nor inept (okay i admit that i am clumsy), nor accomplished in any scientific pursuit (though i am a social scientist..) and i'm definitely not a carnival performer! so there must have been some misunderstanding along the way!
while a geek is "1. a person regarded as foolish, inept, or clumsy. 2. a person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept. 3. a carnival performer whose show consists of bizarre acts, such as biting the head off a live chicken".
well, so now that you've heard the full story, please kindly revise your opinion of me, and i'll be happy to invite you to my book club anytime. (:
19.1.09
oh take me back to the start
i don't know when i started becoming so obnoxious.
as dale carnegie has said - to have the best social life, you give people what they want, and you say what they want to hear. but i decided that i didn't want to be a slave to other people's opinions, so i traded good-naturedness, tolerance and diplomacy for honesty and straightforwardness, things that society don't value as much.
i got sick of being taken for granted, holding popular opinions and being part of an ordinary crowd. and because i hated mediocry, i wanted to stand out, but not stick out. i started to say what i think, not what people want to hear. but unfortunately, many people still prefer hearing half-truths - they have become the currency that people trade in. i started sharing my knowledge and being the antithesis of other people's opinions, in hope of spurring a more vibrant debate, but it was not in my intention to appear haughty.
but it seems that my plan to rediscover myself and take on a new identity has fallen flat. i thought i would be happier this way, but apparently not. because happiness does not only come from within, it comes from people around you too. so now i will shed my new cast, and revert back to the i-will-say-yes-to-everything-you-say girl.
as dale carnegie has said - to have the best social life, you give people what they want, and you say what they want to hear. but i decided that i didn't want to be a slave to other people's opinions, so i traded good-naturedness, tolerance and diplomacy for honesty and straightforwardness, things that society don't value as much.
i got sick of being taken for granted, holding popular opinions and being part of an ordinary crowd. and because i hated mediocry, i wanted to stand out, but not stick out. i started to say what i think, not what people want to hear. but unfortunately, many people still prefer hearing half-truths - they have become the currency that people trade in. i started sharing my knowledge and being the antithesis of other people's opinions, in hope of spurring a more vibrant debate, but it was not in my intention to appear haughty.
but it seems that my plan to rediscover myself and take on a new identity has fallen flat. i thought i would be happier this way, but apparently not. because happiness does not only come from within, it comes from people around you too. so now i will shed my new cast, and revert back to the i-will-say-yes-to-everything-you-say girl.
18.1.09
keep your focus in the middle
barely 30 minutes after its launch on facebook, this photo has topped my list of funniest photos taken in 2008.
thanks to sally, william, and of cos the two gorgeous models (whose identities shall be kept anonymous). (:
thanks to sally, william, and of cos the two gorgeous models (whose identities shall be kept anonymous). (:
17.1.09
if i told you a secret, you won't tell a soul
after visiting the museum of broken relationships, i was tempted to leave a confession behind in the guestbook.
the specimen i present would be a particular book that i received many years ago, and this is how my abstract would go:
time may have eroded away all the memories, pain and anger that i once felt; but time will never diminish my liking for this book, because it reminds me of you, once upon a time.
the specimen i present would be a particular book that i received many years ago, and this is how my abstract would go:
time may have eroded away all the memories, pain and anger that i once felt; but time will never diminish my liking for this book, because it reminds me of you, once upon a time.
14.1.09
cos every color goes where you do
today has been insanely fantabulous!
from the crazily fun and funny rehearsal (you could go mad laughing at how our two guys dance), to the exhilarating rock-wall climbing (thanks to cher's too-good-to-turn-down invitation), to the ultra-hilarious taboo session (what is the word that's related to an award and has a "scar" in it?), to a silly friend who got her elbow stuck in between the railing of a bus seat (which i couldn't help but laugh), and finally to a silly friend who thought she lost her phone and found it in her bag eventually (what's new, koheleen?)
i really adore my honours classmates, because every color goes where they do. (:
from the crazily fun and funny rehearsal (you could go mad laughing at how our two guys dance), to the exhilarating rock-wall climbing (thanks to cher's too-good-to-turn-down invitation), to the ultra-hilarious taboo session (what is the word that's related to an award and has a "scar" in it?), to a silly friend who got her elbow stuck in between the railing of a bus seat (which i couldn't help but laugh), and finally to a silly friend who thought she lost her phone and found it in her bag eventually (what's new, koheleen?)
i really adore my honours classmates, because every color goes where they do. (:
13.1.09
my new haircut is T R A G I C (Part 2)
i haven't been so diffident about myself for a long while.
thanks to my awful haircut, i spent one whole night and one whole morning hiding in bed dwelling on the atrocity of my impulsive move yesterday. i took naps intermittently, hoping that i would wake up from a bad dream. i had four pieces of chocolate for lunch, hoping that the endorphins would inject some energy in me. i tried combing my hair one hundred times, hoping that they would grow longer. but none of these worked better than making a second visit to the salon.
and so i spent another three hours, redo-ing my hair. and finally i'm back on track, after a long detour.
thanks to my awful haircut, i spent one whole night and one whole morning hiding in bed dwelling on the atrocity of my impulsive move yesterday. i took naps intermittently, hoping that i would wake up from a bad dream. i had four pieces of chocolate for lunch, hoping that the endorphins would inject some energy in me. i tried combing my hair one hundred times, hoping that they would grow longer. but none of these worked better than making a second visit to the salon.
and so i spent another three hours, redo-ing my hair. and finally i'm back on track, after a long detour.
12.1.09
my new haircut is T R A G I C (Part 1)
and now, i am angry with the hairdresser for recommending me to get a change, and angrier that i even let myself be convinced. with a wedding to attend this sunday and chinese new year around the corner, the last thing i need is a bad haircut that would not grow back in time.
to act against my better judgment was a complete failure of internal rationality. the moment she snipped off locks and locks of my previously straightened hair, i already foreboded the outcome. but still i didn't interrupt.
and still i left the salon, pretending that i was satisfied. ):
to act against my better judgment was a complete failure of internal rationality. the moment she snipped off locks and locks of my previously straightened hair, i already foreboded the outcome. but still i didn't interrupt.
and still i left the salon, pretending that i was satisfied. ):
10.1.09
diary of a mad student
my life is coming to an end.
my life as a student, that is. eighteen years of education, from abcs to algebra to acids and alkaline to ariel and finally to active listening and advocacy, it is bewildering how i got here so fast. i stood still on the same spot, yet time brought me along like an escalator.
i am exceedingly excited that my last semester may turn out to be my busiest semester ever, with the final year paper and production to keep me occupied. school work, homework, field work, coursework, and more work to fill up my day. twenty-four hours would not be suffice, it is no wonder why britney speares kept going about how everybody wanted a piece of her. but everything is going neat and tidy, everything will be in place, everything will be under control - the time i allocate to each activity, the number of friends i catch up with, the margins on my essay, the number of calories i consume, the amount of space on my harddisk, and even the speck of dust on my desk.
being a student comes with many prerogatives. it's not just the student concessions that you get when you watch a play, enter the museum or buy a meal at macdonalds. but it's being able to chat till the wee hours of the morning, wake up at 12noon and still be in time for class; its about having the flexibility and luxury of time to go for teas and meet up with people anytime you please; it's about having a choice of who you want to see, who you want to work with, and who you want to talk to; it's being able to make mistakes and get away with it with a small price; it's about feeling young, acting young and being young.
and i know this is my last chance to savour the last moment of a student's life.
come monday, my vacation ends and i'm hitting the books again.
come monday, school shall take away the wintry cold of my holiday, and paint it with the warmth and color of a blooming spring.
come monday, i shall mitosize into two - one to go to class and take notes on my behalf, and the other to stay at home and stare at the ceiling above my bed.
and i will be happy, yes?
my life as a student, that is. eighteen years of education, from abcs to algebra to acids and alkaline to ariel and finally to active listening and advocacy, it is bewildering how i got here so fast. i stood still on the same spot, yet time brought me along like an escalator.
i am exceedingly excited that my last semester may turn out to be my busiest semester ever, with the final year paper and production to keep me occupied. school work, homework, field work, coursework, and more work to fill up my day. twenty-four hours would not be suffice, it is no wonder why britney speares kept going about how everybody wanted a piece of her. but everything is going neat and tidy, everything will be in place, everything will be under control - the time i allocate to each activity, the number of friends i catch up with, the margins on my essay, the number of calories i consume, the amount of space on my harddisk, and even the speck of dust on my desk.
being a student comes with many prerogatives. it's not just the student concessions that you get when you watch a play, enter the museum or buy a meal at macdonalds. but it's being able to chat till the wee hours of the morning, wake up at 12noon and still be in time for class; its about having the flexibility and luxury of time to go for teas and meet up with people anytime you please; it's about having a choice of who you want to see, who you want to work with, and who you want to talk to; it's being able to make mistakes and get away with it with a small price; it's about feeling young, acting young and being young.
and i know this is my last chance to savour the last moment of a student's life.
come monday, my vacation ends and i'm hitting the books again.
come monday, school shall take away the wintry cold of my holiday, and paint it with the warmth and color of a blooming spring.
come monday, i shall mitosize into two - one to go to class and take notes on my behalf, and the other to stay at home and stare at the ceiling above my bed.
and i will be happy, yes?
9.1.09
6.1.09
all it takes is one black sheep
there has to be a more effective way of evangelising.
it's not easy to win people over. sometimes, it may take years of friendship or relationship, before the other party begins to open up and become more receptive. but the key to winning people over is definitely not to pass a stranger a pamphlet, and tell him (or her) that he is a sinner and is going to hell if he doesn't believe in the Lord. such comments are more likely to infuriate the listener, than to stir up sufficient fear in him to instantly convert.
all it takes is one negative experience for people to seal the door and form a bad impression that would stick around for a long time (or even forever).
just like everything else in the world - if you want a harvest, you have to constantly and conscientiously sow the seeds. some things are good to share, but be sincere and patient, not aggressive and pushy. and never forget, always, always show respect for individual preferences.
it's not easy to win people over. sometimes, it may take years of friendship or relationship, before the other party begins to open up and become more receptive. but the key to winning people over is definitely not to pass a stranger a pamphlet, and tell him (or her) that he is a sinner and is going to hell if he doesn't believe in the Lord. such comments are more likely to infuriate the listener, than to stir up sufficient fear in him to instantly convert.
all it takes is one negative experience for people to seal the door and form a bad impression that would stick around for a long time (or even forever).
just like everything else in the world - if you want a harvest, you have to constantly and conscientiously sow the seeds. some things are good to share, but be sincere and patient, not aggressive and pushy. and never forget, always, always show respect for individual preferences.
4.1.09
the importance of being EFFECTIVELY bilingual
i'm having such a nightmare trying to translate my interview guide to mandarin. typing hanyu pinyin is like doing a trial-and-error problem sum - in order to type a simple word like "how" in chinese, i had to type zhen mo, zhe mo, zen mo, zen me before i hit the bull's eye.
and i never quite realised the unreliability of online translators until today. try typing "physical care" into the translator and you would probably get the chinese equivalent of "physics caring". homonyms just don't work well on the translator because it cannot differentiate words as a noun and as a verb.
oh, not to forget: if finding an euphemism for words like "death" and "dying" (without sounding too cheesy or over-sensitive) isn't hard enough, try doing it in chinese.
then finally imagine having a total of twenty-odd questions with terms like "active resuscitation" and "end-of-life conversations" to translate.
the horror awaits me. ):
ps: so if you are effectively bilingual, has some time to spare and enjoy doing things out of altruism, please drop me a message and i would be eternally grateful for your help.
pps: and your name would appear on my acknowledgment page!
and i never quite realised the unreliability of online translators until today. try typing "physical care" into the translator and you would probably get the chinese equivalent of "physics caring". homonyms just don't work well on the translator because it cannot differentiate words as a noun and as a verb.
oh, not to forget: if finding an euphemism for words like "death" and "dying" (without sounding too cheesy or over-sensitive) isn't hard enough, try doing it in chinese.
then finally imagine having a total of twenty-odd questions with terms like "active resuscitation" and "end-of-life conversations" to translate.
the horror awaits me. ):
ps: so if you are effectively bilingual, has some time to spare and enjoy doing things out of altruism, please drop me a message and i would be eternally grateful for your help.
pps: and your name would appear on my acknowledgment page!
2.1.09
resolutions, baby they come and go
what's a new year without a new set of unrealistic resolutions?
- finish reading all the novels that i had ever bought
- don't get conned/coerced into making expensive and useless purchases (e.g. facial package)
- eat four servings of fruits and vegetables everyday
- achieve my target savings rate of 20-25% (for my grad trip & year-end vacation)
- learn to speak a new language (bahasa melayu would be useful for my work, but japanese/korean would make drama-watching more pleasurable for me)
- reduce attrition from the list of people i still keep in touch with
- fit into all the clothes which have become too tight for me ):
- overcome my phobia of creepy crawlies, repeated patterns, and contamination
- accomplish 35% of my resolutions (up from the 28.6% for 2008)
1.1.09
1st post of the year, 500th post of the blog
the final moments of my 2008 were well spent.
went to ttsh in the morning to work out the procedures for my thesis, followed by a two-hour book spree in town, went home to do some readings, had a simple dinner with my family at home, and spent the last one hour with two of my most beloved friends (although one of them refused to countdown).
i think that neatly summed up the past year for me as well. even though it was packed with a lot of work, i was blessed with very good friends, a supportive family, many fruitful harvests, and joy aplenty. this is not to say that i didn't face any setbacks, but i choose to remember only the best things that happened.
nobody knows what the new year may bring, but i hope yours will be overflowing with an abundance of love, success and happiness.
cheers to a new beginning, toast to our friendship and praise to the Lord. (:
went to ttsh in the morning to work out the procedures for my thesis, followed by a two-hour book spree in town, went home to do some readings, had a simple dinner with my family at home, and spent the last one hour with two of my most beloved friends (although one of them refused to countdown).
i think that neatly summed up the past year for me as well. even though it was packed with a lot of work, i was blessed with very good friends, a supportive family, many fruitful harvests, and joy aplenty. this is not to say that i didn't face any setbacks, but i choose to remember only the best things that happened.
nobody knows what the new year may bring, but i hope yours will be overflowing with an abundance of love, success and happiness.
cheers to a new beginning, toast to our friendship and praise to the Lord. (:
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