have you ever noticed that sometimes, things can still be miraculously done even though some people didnt exactly do their job.

this is going to be an honest but bitter post, but right now, venting my frustrations is more important than the consequences of expressing them. recently, ive been asking myself whats the point of having so many people in a committee when many of them are inert and i just end up tying up the loose ends anyway. i dont mind doing extra and helping other people if theyre busy or are unable to cope, but what irks me is that some people are just completely unapologetic, and they take it for granted that ill be there to do what they cant or wont finish. im not sure if im right, but perhaps they took up the responsibility as a personal favour for me, and hence when they dont complete the job, they dont see why they should feel bad or guilty over it. but if i'd known thats the help i was going to get, i would have rather not asked for it, because we are just making life difficult for both of us.

well, but i dug my own grave, and now i remember the voice that told me, that there are no permanent allies, only permanent interests.

i couldnt make a birthday wish this year,

because i didnt have any candles to blow out. so i sat by the window and waited for a shooting star to appear.

but i was just not lucky enough.

if i were to summarise my day in a sentence, i would say that there were expected surprises, unexpected surprises and unexpected disappointment. but to those of you who did, thank you for remembering. (:

better late than never, my birthday wishlist this year:

just give me something that money cant buy. (:

when im up, im practically beyond reach.

i spent years of my life hoping to prove her wrong,

but the world proved me wrong instead, and im all drenched in cynicism.

today i probably laughed more than i ever did in the whole of last week (:

its like a pot calling the kettle black.

sometimes, the anger rushes to my head and drowns my rationality.

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today, because i felt depressed, disappointed and desolated, i said some rather nasty things on impulse. but precisely because i became nasty, some people began to take me seriously too.

so being mean isnt always a bad thing after all.

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somehow, i feel that ive lost much of the drive and energy that i used to exude a year ago. im not sure if this is a sign of aging, but it'll be sad to know if i had already past my peak.

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i was one step away from raising the white flag.

it was so close, so close.

some people are like rocks.

you've got to push them really hard to get them to move an inch.

and sometimes they have so much inertia that you just dont have enough physical strength to make them budge.

bones sinking like stones,
all that we fought for.

its an uphill climb from here, and im sure it wont be sunrise when i reached the peak.

some people like to attribute their flaws as part of their personality, and then expect to be excused for it.

it like saying: dont hold it against me for delibrately missing calls, shunning people, and disappearing from work without valid reasons because i just happen to have a melancholic personality and i cant stop my blues from stretching for eternity.

but still, i wont blame you for losing your cool all the time, because you are just so easily-stressed and temperamental by nature.

responsibility and guilt are the ropes that tug at your feet when youre about to take the leap down.

the world itself, is not lacking in colors.

im just colorblind, metaphorically.

i dont want your apologies.

it makes me feel like youre really sorry.