there seems to be no end to this hell -
with all the cough, sinus, and bleeding. the bubble in my mouth is so stubborn and resilient that it resurrected within 12 hours since the dentist's jab exterminated it.
26.6.09
of gum and glum
i'm sorry if my posts revolve only around my tooth extractions,
cos my life had gravitated around it for the past one week . i cancelled most of my non-essential appointments, stayed at home and survived on a measly liquid food diet (most of which were instant/processed food :X ) so basically, i wasted my LAST week of bumhood at home, gallivanting on facebook and youtube to compensate for my lack of a social activities. not to mention that i was struck with a running nose and dry cough, hence the small amount of time outside the house was spent trying to minimise coughing or blowing my nose so that people would not shun me like a plague - reminiscent of the sars period.
i'm pushing my dental appointment forward to tomorrow out of fear that my wound has been infected. i really hope it's just my hypochondria acting out. otherwise, there will be no end to my wisdom tooth woes... and these ramblings.
cos my life had gravitated around it for the past one week . i cancelled most of my non-essential appointments, stayed at home and survived on a measly liquid food diet (most of which were instant/processed food :X ) so basically, i wasted my LAST week of bumhood at home, gallivanting on facebook and youtube to compensate for my lack of a social activities. not to mention that i was struck with a running nose and dry cough, hence the small amount of time outside the house was spent trying to minimise coughing or blowing my nose so that people would not shun me like a plague - reminiscent of the sars period.
i'm pushing my dental appointment forward to tomorrow out of fear that my wound has been infected. i really hope it's just my hypochondria acting out. otherwise, there will be no end to my wisdom tooth woes... and these ramblings.
22.6.09
i need some distraction, oh beautiful release
right now, i am in terrible need of things to keep my mind off the pain in the right side of my mouth. (yes, i did summon the courage in the end - and fought a fever and flu just so that i can keep to my plans.)
the wisdom tooth surgical extraction (my second extraction in five days) is just like what everyone's been saying, extremely excruciating to the bone. but fortunately, its still not the worst pain i've been through (my 2nd degree burns back in my jc days was by far the worst as far as i can remember). but stilllllll, it has to be one of the most frightening procedures i've been through in my sheltered life. imagine having incisions in your gum proceeding the drilling of the tooth - all mentioned briefly by the dentist in a matter-of-fact tone as if it was a delightful recipe to be easily accomplished! also, i am displeased to announce that i have the first stitches ever - three of them! i almost passed out from the sight of them when i shone a touchlight into my stiffen mouth to peek at them.
this is absolutely a nightmare! i need to start getting used to the ache so that i can have a peaceful rest tonight. grrrrrrrrrrr.
the wisdom tooth surgical extraction (my second extraction in five days) is just like what everyone's been saying, extremely excruciating to the bone. but fortunately, its still not the worst pain i've been through (my 2nd degree burns back in my jc days was by far the worst as far as i can remember). but stilllllll, it has to be one of the most frightening procedures i've been through in my sheltered life. imagine having incisions in your gum proceeding the drilling of the tooth - all mentioned briefly by the dentist in a matter-of-fact tone as if it was a delightful recipe to be easily accomplished! also, i am displeased to announce that i have the first stitches ever - three of them! i almost passed out from the sight of them when i shone a touchlight into my stiffen mouth to peek at them.
this is absolutely a nightmare! i need to start getting used to the ache so that i can have a peaceful rest tonight. grrrrrrrrrrr.
19.6.09
wisdom teeth are a curse!
after putting it off for four years, i finally decided to remove my four annoying molars.
since young, i was never really afraid of going to the dentist. i don't remember crying when the school dentist extracted my baby teeth, and i have no issues with the usual scaling and cleaning. but today, the fear hit home.
i was lucky that my left molars were not impacted, so a simple extraction did the job. and i chose to do that first to test my threshold of dental pain. even though the extraction was not painful (except for the injection of the local anesthesia which lasted for around two minutes) the procedure was extremely horrifying. the sound of the tooth twisting in my gums, and the eventual pull that the dentist made with brute force was enough to make me turn pale in the face and go weak in the knees. the aftermath was not as painful as i imagined, though the numbness in my tongue and lip left me struggling to speak like a stroke patient, for two hours. i waited, and waited anxiously for the local anesthesia to wear off, and for the pain to come back, but when it did, it was not as bad as i imagined. the bigger problem was the excessive salivating and bleeding in my mouth. my campbell soup tasted like iron, but it was better than not being able to eat.
the most unfortunate news is that this is not the end. four minus two leaves me with two more molars on my right, one of which would require a minor surgery.
YES! a minor surgery! the thought of going through this a second time is far too petrifying for me, not to mention that today was merely a walk in the park. imagine the cutting of the gum, followed by the chiseling and drilling of the tooth, then the sewing back of the gum, and lastly the inability to open your mouth for five very bloody days lest the stitch opens - this sounds like a gruelling marathon to me! okay, make that a biathlon, since i presume that i would be swimming in blood for the first couple of days.
in other words, i am scared out of my wits...
God, give me courage to book my next appointment!
since young, i was never really afraid of going to the dentist. i don't remember crying when the school dentist extracted my baby teeth, and i have no issues with the usual scaling and cleaning. but today, the fear hit home.
i was lucky that my left molars were not impacted, so a simple extraction did the job. and i chose to do that first to test my threshold of dental pain. even though the extraction was not painful (except for the injection of the local anesthesia which lasted for around two minutes) the procedure was extremely horrifying. the sound of the tooth twisting in my gums, and the eventual pull that the dentist made with brute force was enough to make me turn pale in the face and go weak in the knees. the aftermath was not as painful as i imagined, though the numbness in my tongue and lip left me struggling to speak like a stroke patient, for two hours. i waited, and waited anxiously for the local anesthesia to wear off, and for the pain to come back, but when it did, it was not as bad as i imagined. the bigger problem was the excessive salivating and bleeding in my mouth. my campbell soup tasted like iron, but it was better than not being able to eat.
the most unfortunate news is that this is not the end. four minus two leaves me with two more molars on my right, one of which would require a minor surgery.
YES! a minor surgery! the thought of going through this a second time is far too petrifying for me, not to mention that today was merely a walk in the park. imagine the cutting of the gum, followed by the chiseling and drilling of the tooth, then the sewing back of the gum, and lastly the inability to open your mouth for five very bloody days lest the stitch opens - this sounds like a gruelling marathon to me! okay, make that a biathlon, since i presume that i would be swimming in blood for the first couple of days.
in other words, i am scared out of my wits...
God, give me courage to book my next appointment!
17.6.09
flock does not rock
not for me at least.
in case you haven't heard of it, flock is the award-winning social web browser which has gained popularity over these past two years. i downloaded it sometime back, but was reluctant to try it out. well, like most people, i am quite resistant to change too. especially when it comes to information technology.
while flock is possibly "the best thing that happened to web-browsing" (as its proponents have hailed it) i regret to say that it does not sit well with me. while the little icons at the top left hand corner are cute and convenient, they open up to small sidebars that reduces the size of my main frame to a puny little square. this renders my browsing experience rather unpleasant, and especially so when i'm having my daily laughs at the wondergirls on youtube and suddenly the lower half of their torsos disappear. in addition, although flock has the ability to deliver all the latest facebook updates and emails right to the doorstep through their amazing feeds feature, i still prefer the good old push technology - i type, i click and i retrieve.
nonetheless, i still favor it to internet explorer, simply because it is based on the mozilla platform (correct me if i am wrong), which i deem as superior to the commercialised IE.
so if you are bored of the mundane looks of IE, or if you would like a more exciting browsing experience, you can flock to check it out. otherwise, i think firefox works fine for you and me.
in case you haven't heard of it, flock is the award-winning social web browser which has gained popularity over these past two years. i downloaded it sometime back, but was reluctant to try it out. well, like most people, i am quite resistant to change too. especially when it comes to information technology.
while flock is possibly "the best thing that happened to web-browsing" (as its proponents have hailed it) i regret to say that it does not sit well with me. while the little icons at the top left hand corner are cute and convenient, they open up to small sidebars that reduces the size of my main frame to a puny little square. this renders my browsing experience rather unpleasant, and especially so when i'm having my daily laughs at the wondergirls on youtube and suddenly the lower half of their torsos disappear. in addition, although flock has the ability to deliver all the latest facebook updates and emails right to the doorstep through their amazing feeds feature, i still prefer the good old push technology - i type, i click and i retrieve.
nonetheless, i still favor it to internet explorer, simply because it is based on the mozilla platform (correct me if i am wrong), which i deem as superior to the commercialised IE.
so if you are bored of the mundane looks of IE, or if you would like a more exciting browsing experience, you can flock to check it out. otherwise, i think firefox works fine for you and me.
16.6.09
i have been resurrected
with everyday of my week packed once again. my social life is bouncing back, and in two weeks' time, i would be up on my feet and ready to work in the field again.
on a side note, i have decided to take my dirty laundry elsewhere.
of late, different parts of me have converged, to my dismay. so i think i need to draw the line again. if i separate the good and the ugly parts of myself, it makes it easier for others. if i compartmentalise my life, it makes it easier for me.
this place will still remain. but it will be probably less private, and you will probably hear less of me. i hope you won't be able to find me, and even if you do, i hope you would never identify me, or confront me. friends, acquaintances or strangers, i appreciate all the concern you've showered me. but a public space does not give me a sense of security anymore. using a site tracker is like using a magnifying glass to examine a cell. you can only imagine what's there, who's there.
over here, sometimes i feel like i am under scrutiny. sometimes, i am too afraid to be honest and practise too much self-censorship. maybe i am paranoid, but it has happened once, it can happen again. i just don't want it to be my employer, or somebody who has a hold of my future.
i may not write well, but i still love writing so i will continue to jot my thoughts here. so till then, thank you for taking an interest in my life. (:
on a side note, i have decided to take my dirty laundry elsewhere.
of late, different parts of me have converged, to my dismay. so i think i need to draw the line again. if i separate the good and the ugly parts of myself, it makes it easier for others. if i compartmentalise my life, it makes it easier for me.
this place will still remain. but it will be probably less private, and you will probably hear less of me. i hope you won't be able to find me, and even if you do, i hope you would never identify me, or confront me. friends, acquaintances or strangers, i appreciate all the concern you've showered me. but a public space does not give me a sense of security anymore. using a site tracker is like using a magnifying glass to examine a cell. you can only imagine what's there, who's there.
over here, sometimes i feel like i am under scrutiny. sometimes, i am too afraid to be honest and practise too much self-censorship. maybe i am paranoid, but it has happened once, it can happen again. i just don't want it to be my employer, or somebody who has a hold of my future.
i may not write well, but i still love writing so i will continue to jot my thoughts here. so till then, thank you for taking an interest in my life. (:
14.6.09
summer breeze, it makes me feel fine
went out for an evening walk today, after one long lazy afternoon.
the skies was grey and dull. the clouds were heavy and laden with trouble. the sun shied away from the menacing crowd. the summer breeze was unusually cold. the trees were still as corpses.
but the most pitiful of all, were the leaves, the dried withered leaves who had been banished from the canopy. the moment they fall, they are no longer masters of their own fate. only the lucky ones find their way back to the foot of their home, where they are torn apart by scavengers. but as they decay, they return back to the earth, to be absorbed by the roots and reunited with their parent tree again. but for the unlucky ones, their fate lies in the hands of nature. as the wind blew, they rustled helplessly in circles, not knowing where these strong sweeping hands may carry them.
i empathise with them. because just like them, i have surrendered my fate to the hands of a distant body.
the skies was grey and dull. the clouds were heavy and laden with trouble. the sun shied away from the menacing crowd. the summer breeze was unusually cold. the trees were still as corpses.
but the most pitiful of all, were the leaves, the dried withered leaves who had been banished from the canopy. the moment they fall, they are no longer masters of their own fate. only the lucky ones find their way back to the foot of their home, where they are torn apart by scavengers. but as they decay, they return back to the earth, to be absorbed by the roots and reunited with their parent tree again. but for the unlucky ones, their fate lies in the hands of nature. as the wind blew, they rustled helplessly in circles, not knowing where these strong sweeping hands may carry them.
i empathise with them. because just like them, i have surrendered my fate to the hands of a distant body.
8.6.09
2.6.09
a very belated postcard
if i don't start writing now, i may never want to pick up the pen again.
because laziness is like a warm bed that embraces you in the wintry cold. once you fall into its arms, you just want to wrap yourself in and indulge in the displacement of time and space. but every sanctuary is in fact only a placenta. eventually you are expelled into a place where everyone knows you, addresses you by a certain name, and expects certain things out of you. they tell you life begins here, but you believe life was over long ago.
that sums up my trip, juxtaposed with how i feel now.
when a friend said that korea was a romantic place, i didn't buy it. as the days went by, i began to find the sense of isolation so comforting. getting lost in space and time, meeting strangers who resemble people you know or once knew, and lingering in an environment where people speak a language that you cannot comprehend, i never knew there could be beauty and solace in alienation.
in the absence of social, spatial and temporal relationships, i grew closer to myself. with every thing i did right, i learnt to treasure my strengths. with every failure, i learnt to accept my limitations. with every moment spent alone, i learnt to appreciate my solitude. i guess my friend was still right. because i did fall in love - with the food (my favourites were bibimbap, gimbap, ramyeon..), the people (especially the friendly ahjussis and ahjummas at the inns and on the streets), the scenery (volcano craters, green tea plantations, mountains and lakes), the shopping ($5 tops, cheap forever21 pants and 3kg worth of cosmetics). but most importantly, it was only when i was truly on my own, devoid of human contact, that i remembered to love myself the most.
so i guess the trip marks the end of my salad days. i will bring with me the remnants of the innocence and exuberance from my youth; and i hope in the years ahead, i can look back and remember the aliveness i once found in a foreign land.
because laziness is like a warm bed that embraces you in the wintry cold. once you fall into its arms, you just want to wrap yourself in and indulge in the displacement of time and space. but every sanctuary is in fact only a placenta. eventually you are expelled into a place where everyone knows you, addresses you by a certain name, and expects certain things out of you. they tell you life begins here, but you believe life was over long ago.
that sums up my trip, juxtaposed with how i feel now.
when a friend said that korea was a romantic place, i didn't buy it. as the days went by, i began to find the sense of isolation so comforting. getting lost in space and time, meeting strangers who resemble people you know or once knew, and lingering in an environment where people speak a language that you cannot comprehend, i never knew there could be beauty and solace in alienation.
in the absence of social, spatial and temporal relationships, i grew closer to myself. with every thing i did right, i learnt to treasure my strengths. with every failure, i learnt to accept my limitations. with every moment spent alone, i learnt to appreciate my solitude. i guess my friend was still right. because i did fall in love - with the food (my favourites were bibimbap, gimbap, ramyeon..), the people (especially the friendly ahjussis and ahjummas at the inns and on the streets), the scenery (volcano craters, green tea plantations, mountains and lakes), the shopping ($5 tops, cheap forever21 pants and 3kg worth of cosmetics). but most importantly, it was only when i was truly on my own, devoid of human contact, that i remembered to love myself the most.
so i guess the trip marks the end of my salad days. i will bring with me the remnants of the innocence and exuberance from my youth; and i hope in the years ahead, i can look back and remember the aliveness i once found in a foreign land.
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