my lack of motivation and interest has permeated every aspect of my life.

thank goodness youtube still makes me happy.

to you, with love

i can't believe how quickly one year has passed! happy birthday to you, dearest ku! (:

my inside is outside, my right side's on the left side

every examination period throws me into an existential crisis.

it's not about the stress, or the amount of readings i have to force my mind to ingest, but the emptiness after the consumption of an excessive amount of information.

i just can't wait to go to bed everyday.
--
and let me leave you with a song that would cradle you to sleep.



jason mraz's a beautiful mess.

maybe we'll find better days

cos tonight's the night the world begins again.

i've waited here for you, everlong.

each time it happens, i have been finding it harder to face.

i don't know if i'm afraid of not knowing what to say, or not knowing what to feel. the pain is real and it rings in your ears 24/7. you can desensitise yourself from it, but you cannot run away from it. i know it because i experienced it, like a slide down the tunnel, a dip into the well. when i was prepared, it didn't happen; and when i wasn't, it did. then there was a sudden jab at the heart, the disbelief, the denial and the burial of an unpleasant past. all there is left now, is the evidence of a bruise from the yesteryears. you could press hard on it, but the only thing that would hurt is your thumb.

i have been ruminating for days, and clearing the excess baggage from a while back. maybe the coffee has turned cold. maybe i have changed after all.

catching the blues

is as easy as catching the flu.

stay a little longer with me

while i was musing at the photographs that we took today, it dawned on me that we are already at the half way mark of our journey together as the honours class.

i have spent the past three years lamenting over the lacklustre of university life and reminiscing the days of my teenhood; but today, i realised what i missed most about my junior college days was simply a closely-knitted class where i belong to, and classmates whom i feel attached to. when you experience personal growth with a group of people, you will naturally feel more connected and bonded with them.

but people come and go, just like how parties often end when you just started warming up. i know that certain things in life are beautiful only because they are transient. i know that when we reach the next junction, we will still have to go our separate ways. but even so, it doesn't prevent people from drawing closer. simply because emotional investments cannot be made on a rational basis.

when the time comes and the party ends, i hope that i would not be swarmed by nostalgia and sentiment alone, but also with anticipation for our future ahead as colleagues in the occupation that we strongly believe in.

as for now, if you can and if you will, please stay a little longer with me.

gone in a blink

life is so cruel.

i believe some things can only be forgotten once. you can spend years trying to forget it, to bury it, to get it out of your mind; but the moment you are reminded of it, you would never, ever be able to erase it again.

it would be etched in stone, like a carving on a tombstone.

the discomfort of silence

everyone has definitely encountered awkward moments of silence in their daily lives. it could had happened when you were alone with your boss during a meeting, when you were sharing a table with your colleagues during lunch, or when you were trying to engage in some small talk after bumping into an acquaintance on the train.

maybe you were eager to discuss about something until your interlocutor's lackadaisical reply cut you off; maybe you were unable to connect with the other party on the same frequency; or maybe everyone just ran out of topics to talk about. and when that happened, the silence pervaded the whole room like a repulsive smell that made you cringe. you could hear the clock tick, the chair creak, and the bucket drip.

unfortunately, situations like these are not uncommon, and they make the ambiance stale and awkward. so like a knee-jerk reaction to overcome that moment of quietness, you might fiddle with your watch, check your phone, pretend to be in deep thought, burst into laughter, or comment on the weather. but at the same time, your mind might be frantically searching for a new topic to break the deafening silence.

but why do we do that? what makes silence so unsettling that we try our best to avoid it? is it because we don't know what to expect next? or is it due to the lack of control and certainty over the situation? or is it because we view it as a reflection of our lack of social competency?

i have found my source of discomfort, so maybe you should find yours too. although you might not be able to overcome your fear of silence, but at least your awareness of it will help you disguise your discomfort.

Grace will lead us home

in peace.

how i'm supposed to breathe with no air

this video is sooo good that i just have to share it -



thanks to miss square-jaw (hah, vengeance for the ugly photos!), i couldn't stop humming the song in my head during my afternoon lecture! :X

thank God i have a lot of time

inspired by a long halt at the bus stop this afternoon, i was determined to dedicate a post to SBS on the intolerability of waiting on a hot and humid day, but a dark horse galloped at full throttle to reach the top of my agenda instead -

"i told you so" has to be one of my most hated lines because every time i say it (whether aloud or in my mind), it makes me go ballistic.

i don't know if the source of my anger stems from my lack of persistence in pushing my point across previously, or my lack of foresight in choosing to trust somebody else's judgment over my own. but either way, it makes my fuse blow.

i'm just hoping that next time, you would be able to prove me wrong, and make it convincing.